No More Mr. Nice Pie
  • About
  • Blog
  • Pies About Town
  • Pie-Ku
  • Recipes
    • Recipe Index

POSITIVELY GOURDEOUS

8/30/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
The woman behind the counter at Williams Sonoma is smiling as broadly and sweetly as a jack o’ lantern with a mouthful of candy corn. Assaulted by the distinctive combination of cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg, my nose twitches. I feel a sneeze of September coming on. To my left, an expansive table is decked out in autumnal splendor; harvest blooms and botanical gourds sprawl across linens, soup tureens and mugs destined for hot cider. Salad plates, conveniently sold in sets of four, compete with over-sized dinner plates edged in meandering vines. Adjacent to the register, a serving dish fashioned out of restaurant quality French porcelain is garnering interest. Customers are flocking to the Apilco-brand platter dotted with samples. I stand back, allowing a group of four full access to the accordion pleated white paper cups. Several of the hungrier shoppers double-fist the miniscule samples of pumpkin quick bread. Having sported a green Williams Sonoma apron in a Philadelphia outpost for several years, as a former “Casual Employee,” I consider myself well versed in their autumn line-up. However, the closer I scrutinize the offerings, the more evident it becomes that yesterday’s pumpkin bread has received a makeover. She is positively gourdeous.
 
I am blindsided by a display of not one, but six versions of the famous Pumpkin Quick bread; traditional, spiced pecan pumpkin, pumpkin caramel, pumpkin chocolate chunk, and pumpkin chocolate swirl. There’s also a gluten free version of something called pumpkin cheesecake quick bread mix. Not only are the quick breads available solo, you can now purchase them paired with a jar of traditional pumpkin butter, pecan pumpkin butter, or caramel pumpkin butter. In order to schmear or slab your butter of choice on your pumpkin-y bread, you may add to your cart your very own set of ivory handled butter spreaders. I must have been living under a rock for the past twenty years.
 
“Pumpkin quick bread?” the salesperson proffers with enthusiasm. I hold up both hands in a panic, shaking my head in the negative. A manager sidles up to me gushing, “Don’t you just love fall? Have you tried our Spiced Pumpkin Seed Brittle Bites?” the retailer inquires, barely coming up for air. I cannot for the life of me understand what she’s talking about. A brittle pumpkin bite sounds like something that might require a tetanus shot. “And don’t miss our new autumn tabletop collection…” she calls after me as I backstroke towards the exit. Temporarily blinded by enamel cookware in blazing shades of orange, I whack my elbow on a heavy lidded cast iron coquette shaped like a Cinderella pumpkin.
 
Once again, I decline an offer of Spiced Pumpkin Seed Brittle Bites. Standing at the intersection of pumpkin mole and pumpkin pie spice macarons, I vacillate between dizziness and nausea. Realizing I have forgotten what brought me here in the first place, my seersucker Topsiders start edging towards the mall entrance, but not before the designated “Greeter” asks me if I’d like to sample the Pumpkin Gooey Bar Mix. I would not. The word ‘Medic!’ is about to tumble out of my mouth. Whatever it was that I thought I needed will have to wait until January when the quick breads return to routine citrus flavors, sans spice. What is our fascination, no, our obsession with pumpkin? Remember the time we were obsessed with oat bran, carob, and kiwis, or am I the only one?
 
On a much smaller scale, we have a fair share of pumpkin enablers at the bakery intent on jumpstarting the season. A certain pie baker refuses to unearth the number ten cans of pumpkin before absolutely necessary. I am as unwilling to retire my white capris to the rear of my closet as I am to open the pumpkin chocolate chip quick bread floodgates. “Let them wait until October 1st,” I snarl, much to the chagrin of the retail public and a few of the eager bakers waiting for loaf pan direction.  “It’s not even Labor Day!” I continue, exasperated with both the end of summer and the onslaught of a holiday-riddled season. There seems to be something inherently wrong with launching pumpkin anything when there are still peaches in the building. Disgruntled and dismayed, I head for home where my spices live singular lives in the kitchen cabinet, and orange is limited to a generous curl of peel in an icy Aperol Spritz. I will embrace autumn when the time is right, roughly September 23rd, the official first day of fall. Until then, you can spot me wearing white shoes and white pants and possibly seersucker because under the rock where I live, it’s still summer.

Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    March 2025
    July 2024
    March 2024
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013

    Ellen Gray

    Professional Pie-isms & Seasonal Sarcasm

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Artwork by Retsu Takahashi
© Ellen Gray All Rights Reserved 2014
  • About
  • Blog
  • Pies About Town
  • Pie-Ku
  • Recipes
    • Recipe Index