Oh, Ellen

Ah, Yes, Mother’s Day.

Undoubtedly one of NMMNP’s favorite holidays - she often refers to it as the “loathsome holiday.”  In lieu of our normal, leisurely brunch celebration, bundles of flowers, stacks of chocolates, and an assortment of kitchen related gifts, we have decided that this guest blog post written by her children will have to suffice.

You may or may not be aware that in our household there is really only one holiday - Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving is the holiday that brings the entire family together and it is what we look forward to all year long.  We go to extreme lengths to enjoy this celebration.  We’ve quit jobs that conflicted with the glorious Thursday in November, we’ve made our own feast while abroad, and our Cousin has flown thousands of miles in order to be with us for the day.  Beyond Thanksgiving, we celebrate birthday weeks with sweets, fine eats, and on many occasions, a Broadway production.  Other holidays are simply trivial in our household.

Mother’s day is no exception and can be stacked next to Valentine’s day, 4th of July, Roshashana, even Christmas.  These holidays mark the completion of a long week (or month) and NMMNP simply wishes to put down her rolling pin and relax in peace and quiet.

There were a few occasions in our youth when we tried (and boy did we try) to show our appreciation on Mother’s Day.  One example that comes to mind is a slightly rainy afternoon in which NMMNP had just returned from the restaurant she was working in and was greeted by her children about to make waffles for the special occasion.  This loving attempt was met with the following interaction:

Blondie - Happy Mother’s Day Mom! We’re going to make you Waffles
NMMNP - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, thanks.   I don’t know that I’d like Waffles
Master / Master - Come on sure you do
NMMNP - Disappears, returns minutes later… Where is it?
Blondie - Where’s what?
NMMNP - King Arthur
Master - What?
NMMNP - KING ARTHUR! IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE WAFFLES IT’S FROM THE KING ARTHUR BOOK… walks over to book shelf, finds book and holds it up.  Listen kids, if I die, this is the Book with the Waffle recipe in it.

It is unclear to us now whether or not any waffles were consumed that day.

This was not a rare moment by any means.  NMMNP would often (and still does) draw our attention to specific recipes or books for those “just in case I die” occasions.  Let’s be real, when it comes to the kitchen NMMNP means business.  In addition to her recipe consultations NMMNP is notorious for her kitchen interventions.  No, not the A&E TV style come-in-take-a-seat-we’re-all-here-for-you kind of intervention but the I-can-improve-this-situation-by-helping-or-guiding-your-baking / cooking-process intervention.   One might refer to it as a “learning” or “teaching” opportunity.


Learning and Teaching opportunities turned into this:

4 cups flour
½ cup of milk
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
Ok, let me just do it.

It tastes better when mom makes it anyways, right?  So while you’re enjoying your Bloody Mary or Mimosa this afternoon be thankful that you were taught by the best, hug your mom, and be hopeful that our mom baked your dessert.  Thank you Ellen for filling everyday with tasty treats, for being one of the hardest workers we will ever know, and for being a wonderful mother.

We leave you with a recipe:

Blondie’s Perfectly Crafted Ellen

Yields: 1 No More Mr. Nice Pie

Preheat oven to 500 degrees (because you know she’s freezing and hates being cold)

4 cups of charisma
⅛ quart of wanderlust
2 ½ marathons and counting
2 tablespoons of finding the right fruit “in season”
¼ teaspoon of “you don’t want to do that”
6 pints of killer buttercream rose making and cookie decorating
10 dashes of theatrical flare
Pinch of pessimistic optimism
Fair helping of bubbly (but certainly no more than 2 glasses)
a gallon of pie-sonality (get it?)

Combine and bake

Leave on a cooling rack until just right (providing caffeine as necessary) 
Let sit until Ellen has finished taking endless photographs of dish and is slightly room temperature.

Serve with a scoop of coffee ice cream and maybe some Trader Joe’s Cheesy Poofs.